True Confessions: Worst Date of My Life
All right, it's time for some girl talk! I love hearing my friends' dating stories - from the sordid to the spectacular. My own personal worst date ever is kind of a classic in my circle, so here we go!
Back in my 20s when I was on 90210, I was at a club one night and bumped into a guy that I hadn't seen since high school. Back in the day, he went to school with some of my best friends and was the hottest jock around. Now, he was an up and coming actor and was even more uber-hot. We chatted a bit, and he asked if he could take me on a date. At the time, Donna Martin was making crappy boy choices, but I was determined to find The One! So I agreed and wrote down my number on a cocktail napkin praying he would call. We all know the three-day rule, and he played the game well. Exactly three days later, he called and asked if I was free to go to dinner Friday at 8PM. I said yes, and he told me he had already made reservations at...wait for it...the chicest, most expensive, and trendiest new restaurant / lounge in Beverly Hills. I was impressed all around. At his choice in restaurants (the food was said to be impeccable), the fact that he was taking me to a see-and-be-seen spot (he must really like me!), and that he apparently had clout (resos sometimes had to be made a month in advance!).
On Friday evening, I sat in my apartment on my overstuffed floral shabby chic couch in a new, black, stretchy Guess mini dress, velvet and black rhinestone choker, and hair curled on a double wide barrel. I was anxiously waiting for him to pick me up, and I was starving! I had been way too nervous about the date to eat all day, and besides, the food at this tres chic restaurant was going to be unbelievable. Ding-dong went my doorbell and my prince charming had arrived! He whisked me to the restaurant, and we arrived promptly for our 8PM dinner reservation.
A matre d' in a black bow tie and vest escorted us to our two top table in the middle of the restaurant. Mr. Right held my hand as we crossed the restaurant and he pulled my chair out for me at the table. This date so far was perfection! We each were handed a giant, thick velvet and gold embossed menu. It was the type of restaurant that's so schmancy, they don't even list prices next to the apps and entrees. My eyes glazed over in a foodie trance as I saw bone marrow and duck salad, oysters Rockefeller, pan seared foie gras on toast points, and braised lamb shank pappardelle pasta. I was hoping he didn't see the slight trail of drool coming out of the right corner of my MAC red lips.
But before I could ask, "What are you going to order?", he announced, slamming down his menu, "I'm not very hungry. What do you say we just get drinks?" What? Was this really happening? Was braised lamb shank not in my future? I weighed the heavenly bone marrow against his perfectly chiseled jaw and adorably prominent dimples and replied, "Sure." I then selfishly prayed for breadsticks that would never come. He ordered us both Rum and Cokes. Oh no! I was a wine girl. I didn't usually drink hard alcohol. But, I had to act cool, so I went with it.
Well, four rum and cokes and two hours of a one-way conversation later, I was way too drunk and bored. Did he want to know anything about me? I was feeling sick. Actually, the room started spinning at this point, as he went on and on about how David Charvet robbed him blind from what would have been his breakout role on "Baywatch." When suddenly his dimples started floating up on his forehead I knew I had to find a bathroom and quick. I excused myself from the riveting conversation and bolted for the bathroom. I just kept telling myself, "Don't make eye contact with the restaurant patrons, or their amazingly delicious meals, and walk straight." Then, I saw it, the door. The bathroom door! Five more steps, and I'd be safely in a bathroom stall where I could puke my guts out in privacy. Classy, I know. I pushed open the door, smiled with victory, and walked right into...the kitchen. Oh no!
The whole kitchen staff looked up at me. It was bustling and I was busting. I put my hands up to cover my mouth, but I knew it was too late. A waiter rushed over with a massive copper saucepan where I proceeded to vomit the four rum and cokes and the cliff bar I had had at 11am into it. It was Donna Martin prom night all over again. I was mortified! I then apologized and mumbled "I'll be back for the shank" as I stumbled back out of the kitchen. I told my date I was tired and not feeling well and needed to go home - aka you starved me all night, liquored me up, and talked my ear off, you cocky bastard. As we left the restaurant I hit an all time low and grabbed a handful of unwrapped butter mints out of the bowl on the matre d's stand and slammed them back. You know, the ones they say never to eat because studies have shown they are filled with fecal matter from unwashed hands. And now Donna Martin's puke soaked paws. Nasty!
When we got to my apartment, my date escorted me to my door. He even went in for an end of the night kiss - apparently unaware that I had blown chunks in the trendiest kitchen in Hollywood, and thinking this date had gone well. I coyly turned and gave him my cheek as I proceeded to suck on my fecal laden candy. He promised to call and left. I then went straight to my refrigerator where I ravaged half its contents while muttering slurred comments of hating douches with dimples to my pug.
The kicker is he actually did call. But not for two weeks, and when he did, he asked if I could get him an audition for a new series my dad was producing. I hung up defeated, wondering, if I put on a dark wig and glasses, could I slink back into that restaurant and order the lamb? Or at the very least, drop off a new copper saucepan for them.
Worst date. Ever!
What's yours? Tell, tell, tell in the comments below!! I'll compile the best stories and post them in a future blog!
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30 comments
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My worst date involved a whole lotta poop. My poop to be exact. I drove over to his house in the late '90's...looking pretty good if I may say so. White pegged levi's, a sleevless denim shirt...tan...hair all curled. Before we were to head out to dinner and a movie, I had to use the bathroom. I did my business, buttoned my pants, tucked in my shirt, ran my fingers through my hair a few times, checked myself in the mirrror. What were those brown streaks all over my face, shirt, pants? Poop. Somehow, a dingle berry had gotten on the back of my hand, and as I tucked and primped, I transferred and smeared the dingle berry all over myself. After I tried to scrub my shirt, pants, hair, I realized the damage had been done. I did the only thing I could do. Got undressed, and got in his bathtub. It was so beyond embarrassing, I could only laugh. I sat in his bathtub and laughed and laughed...he was banging on the door to see what the heck was going on and why was his bathtub running? I told him I needed to borrow some clothes, and that I would tell him in a little while. Luckily, he had a great sense of humor, and found the whole thing as funny as I did.
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Every date I have ever had with the exception of one guy who I dated for eight months has ended with the phrase "you remind me of my mom". I am almost 30 now so that is a lot of dates.
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Hi Tori - First off, congrats on the new little one! I read your dating story the other day and just logged back on to comment, and I saw the exciting news!
When I read your dating story, I must say - I thought "Wow, her too?!" It's amazing how bad dates are universal! A couple months ago I actually started a blog devoted to bad dates and the girls who go on them. I'd love to share your story on there! Check out the blog if you'd like some entertaining reading during late nights up with little Hattie! Here's the link - happy new mommy-hood!
http://daterbeware.wordpress.com/
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My worst date was a first date. I met up with this guy for dinner, and maybe a movie(had to see how things went first). He showed up about 20 late, we were seated and we chit chated about this or that for a few minutes. then he started talking about his ex and did so throughout the whole meal. the waiter came and asked if we wanted any desert and i said i didn't but he could, he ordered three different ones, and then only ate one. when the waiter brought out the check, i was so happy, i wanted to leave. he just stared at and then started talking about his ex again. i couldn't bare it anymore, i pick up the check and paid, no offer to pay for any of it. we went outside and it had started to rain, i had no umbrella or jacket, he had a jacket with a hood, he said by i'll call you and left me standing, wet and cold. neadless to say i didn't go out with him again.
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My worst date happened when I was a senior in college. I was on my second date with a guy who was studying forensics in grad school. We'd gone out for dinner near our college campus and were taking a walk around the campus (and the date seemed to be going pretty well so far). When we got near the university hospital he told me he wanted to show me something. I knew they had some interesting art exhibits within the hospital and I thought that was where he was taking me. But instead we downstairs to a darkened hallway. He stops in front of a door that reads "MORGUE." Yes, he wanted to take me to see dead bodies! I told him thanks but no thanks and got out of there as fast as possible. Never had I been so glad that I lived relatively near the hospital. Needless to say, there wasn't a third date.
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my worst date was actually my first date. this guy i liked for awhile he asked me out to watch a play the local college even though we were in high school and to have dinner before that at a mexican restraunt. i was soo excited i got ready for it all week. and then the night before we were supposed to go my best friend ive known my whole life called me and said he asked her to come with and was it ok with me. i knew hed know if i said no so i said yes and they ended up sitting together at the restraunt and then he ended up making out with me at the play and then asked her to be his girlfriend the next day and for the rest of the year they made out in front of me.
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Ok I think I had a idiot brain freeze.. I just realized HOW many typos I had in the above.. LOL Sorry He was CUTE not QUITE and it was not JOB but Joy! and its REGISTRATION card.. jeez I am so sorry! LOL
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Tori - I am sure this will floor you as much as it did me - I am compiling a book of my dating trials and tribulations as one cannot make this stuff up. I met this guy Rick through Match.com (not all cracked up to be or touted) we talked for almost 2 wks on phone and decided to meet for coffee on a Sunday afternoon which went great! He had a good job was quite and saw a fun sense of humor. So, he asked me out for drinks & dinner - by this time we had talked alot and would joke with each other a bit - Now I DO have a warped sense of humor and may say thinigs that are hilirious but can be taken literally. So we were having drinks before ordering dinner and having a great time talking and laughing - he made some comment about men being smarter in business or something to that nature and (mind you i had a Cosmo by this time) and I piped up "Hold on there mister do not make me whip out my dominitrix outfit and punish you for that statement". If you had seen the look on his face one cannot describe it but it was pure job - he leans forward and says "Oh god I am so happy you are into that, I am employable Sex Slave and will do anything and everything for you My Doministrix" my jaw has dropped by this time mind you ... then he takes his reistration card and shows me his Bar Code and tells me his pricing etc... I was speechless (which has NEVER happened) and pretty much with sheer disbelief stood grabbed my purse and said "Um no I have to go... good luck to you" and I high tailed it out of there hungry and freaking out and then laughing! Grabbed good ole McDonalds and drive home... Thank god I never hear from him again.!!
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It was my senior year of college and I had been single for a while when the hottest jock in school starting talking me up. All of my friends were cheering me on, telling me to go for him! And why shouldn't I? I deserved a hottie! So after a night of dancing at the bar, he texts me the next day wanted to go to a movie. Of course I agree and spend all night getting ready when I get a text from him again. He needs me to pick him up from school. I'm a little thrown but I give him the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone can afford a car in college! I drive to the school and pick him up and we go to the movies. It happened to be a Tuesday, which is the 2 for 1 deal night. Get this: he doesn't pay $5 for my ticket! After I drove there and everything! And he asked me out! Anyways, the date continues. He sees his friends, talks to them and ignores me. We get in the theater and he comments on how thin my tights are and says "would you be mad if I ripped these?" Umm, ya! they are the only pants I'm wearing right now! This is Canada! The date finally ends and there is no goodnight kiss. He continued to text for weeks and I tried to be polite but I kept turning him down. Finally he said "I thought we had a good time, how come ur repulsing me?" That's right, "repulsing." This guy doesn't even know what repulse means? At that point where I told him we had nothing in common and that he should move on. How could he think that was a good date anyways? Especially since I'm so repulsive! Looks fade, but stupid is forever!
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Worst date ever? I was about 22 and a guy a friend of mine knew asked me to go to a party. He picked me up and then stopped at the liquor store and bought some beer to bring to the party. We pull up to the house and I proceed to get out of the car (silly me). He then tells me to hang on as he wanted to sit in the car for a while. I told him I was not into sitting in a car and drinking beer and that I wanted to go in the house to the party. He then tells me that the party is not in the house. It's actually a keg party IN. THE. WOODS!!! Seriously? I don't think so. At this point, I wanted to get away from him, so I told him that I wanted to go to a club where I knew my friends were. He agreed and we went. Well, we get there and he doesn't have any money so I had to pay the cover charge for both of us and then BUY HIM drinks! Once inside, I found my friends and pretty much ignored him. At one point, as I was going onto the dance floor to dance with my friends, he said to me, "when you're on the dance floor, look at me." EWWWW! I ignored him the rest of the night and when the club was closing I told him that my friends were going to take me home. He actually started crying! I was so mortified that I agreed to let him take me home. When he got to my house I jumped out of the car before he even stopped it. He proceeded to call me at least 12 times a day for the next 6 months. I never answered.
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Ok, my first date since breaking up with my first long-term boyfriend. He took me to a tattoo parlor. No food, no movie...tattoos. He was having the two lesbian mermaids on his back colored in. I wasn't even allowed to go back as he had it done. I spent an hour watching Modern Family on the small TV they had in the front area. I went to the bathroom at one point, only to return to him gone. He'd apparently forgotten I was there and left. He did come back 20 minutes later (I was waiting for my ex to come get me), but still. For those 20+ minutes, he *FORGOT I WAS THERE*. And yes, he did try to come in for a "snack winkwink" afterward. I'm not a fancy girl. Burger King and a movie is a fun night to me. Am I not worth BK?
Looking back, I'm fairly certain our date was an "afterthought" he'd had on his way to his appointment. I think that makes me feel worse.
Can this even be considered a date?
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Love this topic! How come that these stories about us girls always involve way too much alcohol and lack of food? Mine's no different, friends still haunt me with it and probably will for the rest of my life! I was a grunge-girl, complete with long, messy hair, big boots, long skirts combined with torn lumberjack shirts. I hang around with a lot of blokes who played in wanna-be-Nirvana bands who drank enormous amounts of beer. I didn't like beer to much, I used to drink Port. It was New Years Eve and we decided to go to the coast to celebrate. Put up a big armystyle-tent, put a woodstove in it and filled the rest of the tent with blocks of hay. Mind you, it was -10 degrees C outside. Then I spotted HIM! Had a crush on him for months and friends told me that he was quite interested in me too. I felt rather confident and approached him, taking advantage of the festive atmosphere. He gave me a rather big plastic cup of Port, which
under normal circumstances wouldn't have been a problem for me. But it was freezing cold, I didn't have any proper food in hours and was a bit hyper because of the subject of my affection. What happened? I entered the big tent where it was about 25 Celsius and the warmth of the fire hit my poor Portfilled head like a sledgehammer: and then, horror of horrors, I started a Yoko Ono-imitation, singing 'So this is Christmas, war is over'. And I have to live the rest of my life with it. In the end I'm grateful about two things (especially after reading the other stories): #1 I did not vomit in public, #2 I married the subject of my affection, still together after 18 years. Turned out to be the biggest Beatlesfan and apparently loved to have his own Yoko! -
Back story ...i met him online.
Everyone ..has done it 1 time or another im sure ! and there is always that one that makes you cringe .
We started talking for a few weeks after analyzing and internet name search i thought we was safe , around my age, In the military fit and very handsome and finally decided to have dinner. Dinner was great..he was nice. I got a 'non crazy vibe' ..i was thinking what we could do for a second date.NOW to make a long story short. Desert menu came.....I , who has the inability to choose was reading the short desert menu to my self..Banana pudding,Ice cream sunday ..and brownie.( I myself being asian with a tan ) heard him say mmmm ' I ate a brownie once' I had to think about it for a second .........then i barfed in my mouth ..(not literally ) i looked at him and my vagina clenched up .i Ran for the bathroom lauged for a straight 3 minutes.Came back later and told him i wasnt to hungry for desert and i should head home..He drove us ..soo i was not looking forward to this drive home..I blacked out im sure but i was in front of my house .i said a quick ' nice meeting ya !" and opened the door..he quickly said how about a hug..i was hesitant..but leaned in gave him a lame ass "hug' as i moved away i felt his hand graze my boob...UGH". ( the intentional graze) ! I Slamed the door and ran inside.
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Well, my worst date ever wasn't the actual date, it was the day after the date. The date was great. One of my friends in college introduced me to this guy that I thought was cute so I asked him to go to one my sorority functions. He agreed and we went. We had a blast (well from what I remember, we both ended up getting wasted, making out, and passing out on my bed). I know a lot of the date was hazy, but I know he was cute and I really liked him. We woke up the next morning (clothes still on, this was a PG date :D) and we laughed about it and made plans to go to a local theme park together. I thought this will be so fun we can get to know each other and go on rides and have a blast. I was so excited.
So that night my roomies and I decided to go to a party at a friend of one of their's apartment. We show up and guess who is there, my dream date!! He ignores me though and I can't figure out what is going on. Come to find out that we were at his GIRLFRIEND's apartment. They had been together for awhile. I was so hurt, I left the party crying and walked all the way back to my place alone. :( Gosh haven't thought about that in awhile, now I don't even remember what his name was. lol Guess you do get over these things, I was SO upset at the time though!!
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oh goodness. I had one boyfriend who was notorious for taking me on bad dates. First, I was in 9th grade, he was older, a good guy, a Christian but turns out he wasn't what I thought. We dated for like a year or more (on and off) and on my birthday his mother gave him money (lol, he really should have had a job...anyway) to buy me something and our dinner etc. So, we went shopping and he bought himself a pair of jeans and sunglasses, nothing for me, we went out to eat and all he could afford was for me to order off of the kiddy menu since he'd spent all of his momma's money on HIS items earlier and then we went to the movies as planned but he was out of money so I (ME!) paid for OUR (both of us) movie. I was an idiot! I should have sent him packing!!!
Oh and then there as the time he took me through the Wendy's drive-thru for Prom when all of my friends were at fancy smancy restaurants, yep...he was a winner!
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What a self absorbed douche! Seriously... Anyhow, my worst date? I was living in Brentwood in Los Angeles at the time and had a "blind date" with a guy who I met through and online dating site. He picked me up and he was cute, but not my type at all in the looks department. We proceeded to drive almost an hour into the valley so he could take me to a TGIF's! My first thought was that it probably would have been more convenient as well as cost the same if we had drinks and appetizer's at a restaurant closer to my home. While this usually wasn't my style (TGIF) I still was nice and tried not to let my disappointment in his food choice show (I am a MAJOR foodie) When we began to order, he basically hinted that I shouldn't even order a diet coke because it cost's extra. Okay, I understand. The dude is strapped, but again, I think chicks dig honesty even more than being el-cheapo. He should of asked for us to go dutch or something!He later asked if I go to TGIF's ever. I stated not really (and no I wasn't bitchy) he later started calling me a brat for living on the West Side and all sorts of things. I told him as he left my apartment after he dropped me off, that it felt like we started dating, had our climax and then broke up all in one date. It felt to me like he had some major insecurities as he started bashing my clothes, where I live and the fact that I don't eat at TGIF's because his insults flew out of left field. Needless to say, one of my worst dates EVER!
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This is easy. It was my FIRST DATE EVER. I was in second grade and my mom and dad were going to take us to the Monster Trucks. Back then we just had an old single cab truck. So the me and the guy were sitting between my parents. My dad had a tendancy to be kind of a butthead and see just how much he could pick on me and embarrass me. Well, this time his method was to try and fart as loud as he could and blame it on me. The only problem is IT SMELLED. Bad. So bad in fact that I bent over and THREW UP ON MY DATES SHOES!!!!!
I threw up. On. His. Shoes. It was awful. My dad just laughed and laughed about it and we had to finish the drive to the Monster trucks with vomit all over his shoes, me in tears and the car smelling half like fart and half like vomit.
Needless to say he sat about 14 seats away from me when we got there and he didn't talk to me on the playground anymore after that.
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My worst date was in college. This girl on my floor asked if I would go out with this guy she knew. I met him and he seemed ok, so I said I would.
I told him the time would have to be after 6pm because I wanted to go to church Saturday night. Well, he said he was Catholic so he'd just go with me, which was fine with me. After, we went and grabbed a bite to eat at Taco Bell. It started to get a little strange when we had time to kill between dinner and the movie. We went and hung out in his dorm since it was closer to the movie theater. We were in the lobby talking with some other people when his roommate walked in. He introduced us and his roommate said, "So you're the girl he's been talking about." The way he said it was so strange like he hadn't talked about anything else since our original 5 minute meeting. It started to make me feel like I had a stalker the things his roommate knew about me.
Then, we made our way to the movie theater to see Good Will Hunting. I HATED that movie for quite a few years after seeing it because the guy had the most OBNOXIOUS laugh I had ever heard. I know it's not something he could help, but it just got on my last nerve.
Once the movie was over, we made our way back to my dorm and he asked if I wanted to go to some dance the next weekend. I was honest and said that I really couldn't because that weekend I was going home to visit one of my grandmothers who just had open heart surgery and my great-grandmother who wasn't doing so well. He proceeded to tell me what he would be wearing to the dance and I said that it sounded nice. He said, "Well, are you sure you don't want to change your mind?" I said, "No, like I said, I will be visiting my grandmothers next weekend."
So, the next day the girl asked how it went and if I'd see him again and I said "NO!" She said, "Oh man, I thought maybe I could get him interested in someone else and he'd leave me alone." SERIOUSLY!?!
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