Raise

A Letter To Finn On His 4th Birthday

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To Finn on Your Fourth Birthday…

Four years ago today I prayed for your safe arrival. I counted down the hours and waited patiently for the little miracle I fought so hard to protect and grow inside of me for 9 scary months. Your angelic soul found us and chose me to be your mommy. A job I didn’t take lightly.

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I was surprised at your persistence to make your way into our lives so close to your sister’s birth. A surprise that quickly turned into a blessing of which I was supremely grateful for. When I learned 12 weeks into our pregnancy that I could lose you, my fight to keep you safe became my life’s purpose.

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I had already delivered 3 healthy babies. You had chosen me to be your vessel into this world and your mommy for life. I swore to not let you down. I talked to you daily. Caressed you from the outside. Professed my love and belief in our already formed bond. I told you we would make it. Together. It was not a fact but a will.

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When you were finally born that afternoon on August 30th, 2012, I cried tears of joy and relief as they placed your perfectly healthy little body in my arms for the first time. We had been one for so long and now we were two but our hearts aligned forever. You were truly my miracle. But we saved each other in many ways.

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Today, you are four. A tall, strong, fast beautiful brown eyed boy with a head full of scrumptious soft brown curls. You are the only one out of four to be born with my brown eyes. We have the same eyes and the same sweet soul. I look at you, my sensitive man, and see so much of myself. Sometimes when I hold you tight in my arms I feel a sense of holding a four-yea- old Tori. And, I tell her… I love you. You are loved and you are special.

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Sometimes you look deep into my eyes and silently nod. It’s a knowing nod that tells me that you understand. And once again I know that you saved me as much as I saved you.

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You are so wise beyond your four years. You feel so much. A little peacemaker by nature. You entertain to make others smile. Your touch is healing. You connect whole heartedly with everyone that is blessed enough to come into your life. Your big brown eyes sparkle and dance as your smile calms even the most impatient. Please don’t ever lose that.

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We love, not just through our hearts but through our eyes, smile, and touch as well. That’s you in a beautiful little package. My sweet Finn Davey. I believe your love for life will one day soften this hardened world. Your journey so far gives your father, myself, and your brothers and sisters so much joy. We are lucky the baby in the family takes care of all of us in so many ways.

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Thank you for being such a special little guy. I can’t wait to be by your side on your journey through life as you continue to grow, learn, and love. And then one day I will sit back proudly and watch you walk ahead on your journey as the man I look forward to seeing you become. I love you with all my heart and soul.

xoxo,

Mama

  • Kris

    I absolutely love your letters to your children on their birthdays! It gives us “fans” a tiny glimpse into your lives and gives us a sense of knowing who they are. You are such a fantastic Mama, so loving, caring and it is evident in all you do and write about. I love how down to earth and hands on you have been with all your kids. And btw, of all the kids in “Hollywood”, I personally think yours are the most adorable! You and Dean do make some pretty good looks my kids!

  • Kris

    I absolutely love your letters to your children on their birthdays! It gives us “fans” a tiny glimpse into your lives and gives us a sense of knowing who they are. You are such a fantastic Mama, so loving, caring and it is evident in all you do and write about. I love how down to earth and hands on you have been with all your kids. And btw, of all the kids in “Hollywood”, I personally think yours are the most adorable! You and Dean do make some pretty good looking kids!

    • Nancy Snyder

      and fat, too! anything for a buck that includes selling out their kids

  • cheryl

    Too bad you don’t think enough of them to organize your life according to your reality financially. You have moved them all around and changed their schools endlessly. You addressed this in your last book, and you cannot or will not correct the behavior that is so damaging to children. Is your large storage bills worth the risk you and Dean have taken with the IRS??? What in the world is wrong with you and Dean???

    • Nancy Snyder

      agreed – that is not good parenting: just confusion

    • Nancy Snyder

      agreed! she has no shame at all – no insight, no intelligence

  • Susan Grayson

    Finn, Happy Belated Birthday! Hope you had a blast on your special day. Tori, you made a such wonderful birthday letter to him.