Ask Dr. Ann

Hi everyone. It’s Dr. Ann Wexler here for another installment of my Ask Dr. Ann series. Last week we talked about keeping the romance alive in your relationship after you’ve had kids, and today’s question is about keeping the closeness. It can become easy to drift apart in the midst of your busy lives, so I was happy to answer reader DKaya1223’s question on the matter. Take a look…

From: DKaya1223

Hi there! Was hoping you could share a list of ideas to have a closer relationship with your significant other. Hubs and I have 2 kiddos and both work a ton. We wouldn’t trade what we have for anything just would like to enhance our closeness to one another. Thanks!

Dear DKaya1223,

You are not alone! With so many dual income families, it is incredibly hard to find time to connect with your spouse. You each have your job, your kids and then all the household chores, errands and somewhere after all of that is done, you want to find time for each other. Sometimes, you just have to move your relationship to the top of priority list. Let the laundry sit unfolded, and focus on your relationship.


  1. Spend quality time–no tv, phones, kids or other distractions–for 15 minutes a day. You will be amazed how rarely you do this currently.
  2. Have a date night–shared activity is healthy and promotes closeness. Ideally this is once a week, but for many marriages, once a month would be an improvement over the status quo.
  3. Share family dinner more nights than not. At that dinner, each person (even the parents) talk about the best and worst part of their day
  4. Exchange errands or chores. For a week, take care of all the daily living activities that the other one normally does. You will each feel taken care of and it will promote empathy for what your spouse goes through. Empathy and care-taking enhance closeness.
  5. Make time for intimacy!


Do you have any other advice for DKaya1223? Share it in the comments.

And if you watched last night’s episode of True Tori, I would love to hear what you thought.

-Dr. Ann Wexler

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